we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
