she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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