This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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