Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So squirting runs in the family.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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