My nipple is on Facebook.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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