I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
