Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
