I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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