the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
