I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
