the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
