LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is Oprah even human
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
