Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
