I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
