Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
