i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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