wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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