My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
