smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
