I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
