Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
