I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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