Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
