so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
bring money and cleavage
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
