it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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