So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
