WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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