Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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