I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
