i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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