Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
