I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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