hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
