You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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