Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
