I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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