yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
meet me or not, i'm out of control
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
