The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
