but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
