I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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