i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
