What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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