Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
no you cant smoke seaweed
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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