he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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