I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
