Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
