youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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