do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
