If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
