Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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