$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
