just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
