Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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