we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
