i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
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