Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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