I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
